Trust Your Intuition

Have you ever had a feeling about a person who came into your life that you just don’t trust? You can’t put your finger on it but you hesitate to want to become closer to them? Somehow you just know something before being told that particular thing? Those are all due to intuition. This is not to be confused with fear or anxiety. The feelings are different. Intuition is not fueled by fear. Intuition is that “gut feeling” you feel in a given circumstance. One definition of intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning”. Fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat”. Anxiety is “the feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome”. Though similar, these three emotions are different. Intuition may cause unease, but it’s more than that; it’s an uneasy calm, so to speak. Intuition comes from a place of calmness, not fear or anxiety.

I didn’t have a lot of guidance when I was growing up. I heard a lot of “do this or don’t do that” with no explanation of why, so, it should come as no surprise that I was not taught what intuition is. I was not taught to trust my intuition or instinct. In fact, many of the things I’ve learned about feelings, emotions, etc. has been on my own, as an adult. I’ve had to learn these things through my own life experiences. It is now something I try to teach and instill in my own children. One experience in particular taught me to follow and trust my “gut”.

When my 3rd child was about 6 months old or so, my husband and I were approached by a family friend to participate in an investment program. On paper this appeared to be a great program. The plan would essentially be our savings for retirement.

As this was a pretty big deal, we did not make a quick decision. We had the program explained to us and we asked many questions along the way. That being said, my husband is a numbers and data guy. He saw all the data on paper and thought it sounded good. He could only see the benefits of the program and couldn’t come up with any negatives. I saw the same presentation, but felt uneasy about it. Yes, it sounded good; I couldn’t see a reason why not to participate in the program. We discussed it and made the decision together to go ahead with the program even though I was still apprehensive; I just couldn’t put my finger on why.

We proceeded to start the refinance process, which took significantly longer than I could remember it taking in the past. The date for closing kept changing. Each time it changed, I would reiterate my concern despite not being able to give a good reason. The day finally came for closing and I still had the feeling. We went through with it anyway.

Within a few months the reasons for my earlier unease became apparent. 1. We hadn’t been able to save anything. 2. Our finances were a mess. 3. Option loans became illegal shortly after we closed on ours. Although this program worked for some people, it did not work for us. About a year later, we refinanced into a traditional loan.

My husband and I talked about the experience multiple times over the months following this experience. We definitely learned some lessons from the experience. For me, I learned to trust my instinct and push a little harder when I get those gut feelings. For him, he learned to listen more, even if I couldn’t give a good reason. In spite of the stress we felt for a little while, things turned out okay in the end.

Pay attention to you how you feel in any given situation. You have that feeling for a reason even if you don’t know what it is in the moment. Don’t disregard your feelings just because you can’t come up with a logical reason. The more you trust and act on your intuition, the more you will recognize it for what it is in the future. Undoubtedly there is something you will learn from leaning into your intuition.

Remember to trust your intuition. It knows the way even when your mind is uncertain. Embrace it. Don’t be afraid of it.

 

Overcoming Generational Trauma

Overcoming Generational Trauma

I want to share some things that I’ve learned and come to understand over the years about generational trauma. Before I do, please note that I am not an expert on the subject. This is just a little bit of my story and how I’m changing the pattern for my children.

1. Just because you were treated a certain way growing up, doesn’t make it right.

I am the youngest of 8 children. My dad was 47 and my mom was 39 when I was born. They were born in the 1930s. Things were rough for them as they were Depression Era kids. My dad had a rough childhood being the youngest of 7 children and his parents were determined not to have a spoiled youngest child. Because of his rough upbringing, he was a “my way or the highway” type of parent. Basically his children were not allowed to have a voice. It was “do as I say or get out”. As the youngest child, I witnessed things that caused me to be extremely shy and quiet when I was young. I learned that if I was just quiet, I’d fly under the radar. These are just some of the things I was non-verbally taught as a child.

Be quiet. Do what you’re told. Don’t ruffle any feathers, so to speak. If you do something wrong, don’t get caught.

2. Recognize that it was wrong and desire to change.

I’ve been married for over 21 years now. I’m in my 19th year of being a mother, as my oldest child is 18. As a parent, I’ve wanted better for my children. I wanted them to know they have a voice. I wanted them to know that they can tell me or ask me anything without me freaking out. BUT, as a young overwhelmed mother, I didn’t do the best when they were young at not freaking out. When my oldest was approaching her teenage years, I really started to recognize that what I was doing was not what I wanted for her and her siblings. I had a strong desire to change my behavior and, therefore, change our relationship going forward.

3. Make changes. It stops with me.

It is up to you to break generational trauma. When they say, “It runs in the family” tell them, “This is where it runs out!”.

My journey began in my late 30s. I started to recognize some of the same patterns in my children. What a wake up call that was! I started with making small changes. One was just listening to them; showing them that I valued their opinion or whatever they had to share. I tried to show them, not just tell them, that they are important. It was difficult, but I stopped freaking out if they said something that caught me off guard. I began listening to podcasts that really helped me be more aware of what I needed to change. I knew the changes had to begin with me. The rest would fall into place. Yes, my kids may be confused sometimes by the way I react (or don’t react, as the case may be) to a given situation; that is because they were conditioned to expect a different response.

4. Consistency is key to success.

I’ll be honest, being consistent hasn’t always been my strong suit. It is something that I still struggle with, especially when I’m physically exhausted; and that happens frequently with my hashimoto’s hypothyroidism. I forget punishments that I have given. I forget to check to see if chores are done. I’m far from perfect. BUT, I have been working on being more consistent in my actions as a mother. I notice when I’m consistent with how I speak and listen to my children, that they are more willing to come to me with different things. I do my best to be available for them. I do my best to listen them. Although I am still a work in progress, my hope is that my children can see and feel a difference.

In conclusion, it is never too late to change. Reach out in a loving way. If you fall, get back up. You will most likely receive push-back from your family as you grow and progress. As long as you are being genuine and loving, your family will feel that and be more receptive to the change; they will be more open to receiving the love you put out to them. The resistance isn’t because what you are doing is wrong, it’s because it is unfamiliar. It’s uncomfortable. Even though the comfortable patterns aren’t healthy, that’s what is familiar, therefore comfortable. Keep at it. Measuring any type of progress takes time and this is no different. Soon the tides will change. What was once uncomfortable and healthy will become comfortable and healthy.

6 Things That Will Help You Feel Better Right Now

A short while ago, I was thinking about what makes people feel good and motivated. After some thought, some things came to mind that may help you pull out of a rough day.

  1. Find something to make you laugh. – They say that laughter is the best medicine. It can take over a bad mood in seconds. Seemingly, laughter or even a smile is almost always effective. Keep a collection of pictures, videos, or jokes that make you laugh.
  2. Motivational or relaxing music helps. – Find music that helps you relax or music that makes you feel motivated. The properties of Classical music make it an ideal candidate for this. Any music that truly uplifts can help you feel better. Beware, though, the wrong music can make you feel much worse. Suggestion: Free Classical Music Downloads
  3. Go for a 20- to 30-minute walk. – Where I work, we have a decently-sized campus. I take a couple of laps around it, walking at a good clip. My heart rate is elevated. I’m out in the sun and fresh air. It helps release endorphines and produces Vitamin D.
  4. Accomplish something on your task list – many people keep a list of things they need to do. Pick one of these things and go after it! Accomplishing something constructive makes you feel good.  It doesn’t have to be big.  Empty the trashes.  Pull a few weeds.  Clean a small part of your space.
  5. Do some relaxation exercises – Breath deeply five times, slowly. Close your eyes while you do this. Picture yourself in your mind. Imagine that you are doing something very relaxing. For me, I picture myself floating on my back in a warm pool.
  6. Stretch in the morning or evening – Stretching can increase blood flow and rejuvenate muscles. It also loosens you up and increases your range of motion.

There you are. 6 things that can and will lift your mood and help you feel better, even if you are already having a decent day. What other types of things do you do?

The Power of “AND”

Do you know that you can have two different emotions at the same time? Yes, two different emotions can, and often do, occur at the same time. The Podcast “Light the Fight” talks about this in two different episodes: one is called “the and” and the other “the and 2.0”. I plan to listen to these episodes again and I encourage you to listen as well.

Have you ever felt sad AND relieved at the same time? What about happy and sad? Do you sometimes get angry with someone you love (anger and love)? How about being in (physcial or emotional) pain and still being grateful? What about excitement and being nervous? It can be confusing to feel two immensely different emotions. Sometimes we hold ourselves back because of one strong emotion; we allow doubt and fear to overrun our excitement.

Thanks to Facebook algorithms, my feed is full of positive, uplifting picture, memes, etc. of various aspects of life. I’ve been flooding my life with inspirational people and things; but something was still missing. About 6 months ago (or so) I finally figured out what I want to do with my life (sort of). Without a clear plan, I kept thinking that I want to share these positive, inspirational, motivational, uplifting messages with as many people who want to hear them.

Fast forward to a little over a month ago, I told my husband that I wanted to start a Facebook group (or page) to help spread these messages but I didn’t have a name for it. One Saturday I sat down at my computer and came up with a suitable name, “Positivity to Inspire and Motivate”. Although I knew it wasn’t exactly right, it was good enough. Fast forward, again, to a couple weeks ago, my husband helped me come up with the name we will be known by from now on: “Sharing Moments of Light”.

We talked about starting this blog and other ways to share my message; and guess what? I became super excited AND nervous.

There is a little voice inside that tells me “no one cares what you think” so I’ve always had a hard time sharing what I truly feel, in my own words. I was excited to share goodness and light with people. I was nervous to use my voice in this way because of that proverbial voice inside. Well, I’d like to think I’m overcoming this one. I’m now sharing my thoughts and feelings for anyone and everyone who wants and/or needs to hear it.

Listen to your conflicting emotions and don’t let the negative take over.