The Best I Can With What I Have

Posted on March 23, 2023April 6, 2023 by Scott Morris

Why are we so demanding of ourselves? Why do we succumb to others’ seemingly impossible demands? Have you ever felt like you’ll never get everything done? Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try it is never good enough? Have you ever said to yourself, “I can’t do that!”? Have you ever asked yourself how to become the best person you can? Do you ever have the feeling that no matter what you do, you’ll fall short?

For quite some time, questions like these had the potential to ruin my day. There must be an acceptable, healthy answer. Clearly, we need to perform the best way possible to us. However, undue amounts of stress and anxiety can cause all sorts of psychological, emotional, and health problems. How do we reconcile these needs? Drawing purely on reason and experience, it is my intent to offer an overview of things that have worked for me.

Perfect

Growing up, perfectionism was a frequent part of my life, imposed by someone other than myself. The insatiable compulsion to perform at any level short of perfect still haunts me. This time, it is self-inflicted. To get past this problem, there is one fact of reality which we must absolutely, unconditionally accept. Perfectionism is truly a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ironically, it is practically an oxymoron.

Perfectionism virtually guarantees failure. Over time, we become conditioned to expect failure. This may be part of the anticipatory anxiety we feel when under heavy pressure to execute something with uncompromising perfection. If you take nothing else away from this article, take this: Perfectionism virtually guarantees failure, or at very least, disappointment.

Once that truly sinks into our perception of how the Universe works, it is possible to graduate to the next concept: Not everything we do will turn out exactly as we want or as someone else wants. In reality, most things will not turn out exactly as we would want them to. The hard part is that this must be ok with us. Do not misunderstand. Setting a high bar pushes us to excel. Setting it at the highest possible mark from the outset will virtually always end badly. It may not turn out perfectly, and that’s ok.

Reasonable

When those two concepts become part of the way we think, we can readjust our expectations. How do we know how high to aim? Again, drawing on intuition and experience, a healthy approach is to start with an inventory. Ask yourself, “What resources do I have at my disposal to perform this task?” Obvious answers might include one or more or the following:

My computer
Google (for research, etc.)
Paper and pen for taking notes
The proper tools to get the job done
The knowledge of how to do the project

Yes, those are fine answers. But we want to do our best, right? Let’s think outside the box a little. What about resources like these?

The closest library
Someone who has successfully done what you are trying to do
Your own intuition and reasoning mind
Taking personal ownership and responsibility for the project
Anything you have ever done successfully that resembles any step of the project

You see that I mention your own intuition and reasoning mind. Use your head to come up with inventive, creative, and out-of-the-box solutions. Brainstorm solutions, and go crazy with it. Don’t discount any idea. When you’re done, make sure that a possibility will absolutely in no way work before you discard it.

Own It

Another enabling force is to take personal interest in the completion of the project. If you don’t know something about part of it, ask whoever does. If you don’t have a needed tool or needed materials, find someone who does. Step up, make it yours, and if appropriate, emotionally invest yourself to a degree in doing your best.

Other people often become a valuable resource for gaining knowledge quickly. Just don’t abuse that resource. Do detailed research on the parts of the project that you do not fully grasp. Google and the library come into play here. Own the knowledge and understanding of your project.

Conclusion

Take things that you have done that are similar to parts of this project. Evaluate whether they can be adapted to become part of the solution. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Having sunscreen, nice cross-training shoes, some sunglasses, and a pair of shorts will make it much more enjoyable. But in the absence of any of those things, it is still possible. In the end, it comes down to this: Do the best you can now with what you have now. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Cut yourself some slack. Do what you can and feel good about that.

Overcoming Generational Trauma

Posted on March 17, 2023 by Alison Morris

Overcoming Generational Trauma

I want to share some things that I’ve learned and come to understand over the years about generational trauma. Before I do, please note that I am not an expert on the subject. This is just a little bit of my story and how I’m changing the pattern for my children.

1. Just because you were treated a certain way growing up, doesn’t make it right.

I am the youngest of 8 children. My dad was 47 and my mom was 39 when I was born. They were born in the 1930s. Things were rough for them as they were Depression Era kids. My dad had a rough childhood being the youngest of 7 children and his parents were determined not to have a spoiled youngest child. Because of his rough upbringing, he was a “my way or the highway” type of parent. Basically his children were not allowed to have a voice. It was “do as I say or get out”. As the youngest child, I witnessed things that caused me to be extremely shy and quiet when I was young. I learned that if I was just quiet, I’d fly under the radar. These are just some of the things I was non-verbally taught as a child.

Be quiet. Do what you’re told. Don’t ruffle any feathers, so to speak. If you do something wrong, don’t get caught.

2. Recognize that it was wrong and desire to change.

I’ve been married for over 21 years now. I’m in my 19th year of being a mother, as my oldest child is 18. As a parent, I’ve wanted better for my children. I wanted them to know they have a voice. I wanted them to know that they can tell me or ask me anything without me freaking out. BUT, as a young overwhelmed mother, I didn’t do the best when they were young at not freaking out. When my oldest was approaching her teenage years, I really started to recognize that what I was doing was not what I wanted for her and her siblings. I had a strong desire to change my behavior and, therefore, change our relationship going forward.

3. Make changes. It stops with me.

It is up to you to break generational trauma. When they say, “It runs in the family” tell them, “This is where it runs out!”.

My journey began in my late 30s. I started to recognize some of the same patterns in my children. What a wake up call that was! I started with making small changes. One was just listening to them; showing them that I valued their opinion or whatever they had to share. I tried to show them, not just tell them, that they are important. It was difficult, but I stopped freaking out if they said something that caught me off guard. I began listening to podcasts that really helped me be more aware of what I needed to change. I knew the changes had to begin with me. The rest would fall into place. Yes, my kids may be confused sometimes by the way I react (or don’t react, as the case may be) to a given situation; that is because they were conditioned to expect a different response.

4. Consistency is key to success.

I’ll be honest, being consistent hasn’t always been my strong suit. It is something that I still struggle with, especially when I’m physically exhausted; and that happens frequently with my hashimoto’s hypothyroidism. I forget punishments that I have given. I forget to check to see if chores are done. I’m far from perfect. BUT, I have been working on being more consistent in my actions as a mother. I notice when I’m consistent with how I speak and listen to my children, that they are more willing to come to me with different things. I do my best to be available for them. I do my best to listen them. Although I am still a work in progress, my hope is that my children can see and feel a difference.

In conclusion, it is never too late to change. Reach out in a loving way. If you fall, get back up. You will most likely receive push-back from your family as you grow and progress. As long as you are being genuine and loving, your family will feel that and be more receptive to the change; they will be more open to receiving the love you put out to them. The resistance isn’t because what you are doing is wrong, it’s because it is unfamiliar. It’s uncomfortable. Even though the comfortable patterns aren’t healthy, that’s what is familiar, therefore comfortable. Keep at it. Measuring any type of progress takes time and this is no different. Soon the tides will change. What was once uncomfortable and healthy will become comfortable and healthy.

6 Things That Will Help You Feel Better Right Now

Posted on March 15, 2023March 22, 2023 by Scott Morris

A short while ago, I was thinking about what makes people feel good and motivated. After some thought, some things came to mind that may help you pull out of a rough day.

Find something to make you laugh. – They say that laughter is the best medicine. It can take over a bad mood in seconds. Seemingly, laughter or even a smile is almost always effective. Keep a collection of pictures, videos, or jokes that make you laugh.
Motivational or relaxing music helps. – Find music that helps you relax or music that makes you feel motivated. The properties of Classical music make it an ideal candidate for this. Any music that truly uplifts can help you feel better. Beware, though, the wrong music can make you feel much worse. Suggestion: Free Classical Music Downloads
Go for a 20- to 30-minute walk. – Where I work, we have a decently-sized campus. I take a couple of laps around it, walking at a good clip. My heart rate is elevated. I’m out in the sun and fresh air. It helps release endorphines and produces Vitamin D.
Accomplish something on your task list – many people keep a list of things they need to do. Pick one of these things and go after it! Accomplishing something constructive makes you feel good. It doesn’t have to be big. Empty the trashes. Pull a few weeds. Clean a small part of your space.
Do some relaxation exercises – Breath deeply five times, slowly. Close your eyes while you do this. Picture yourself in your mind. Imagine that you are doing something very relaxing. For me, I picture myself floating on my back in a warm pool.
Stretch in the morning or evening – Stretching can increase blood flow and rejuvenate muscles. It also loosens you up and increases your range of motion.

There you are. 6 things that can and will lift your mood and help you feel better, even if you are already having a decent day. What other types of things do you do?

Focus on the Lesson

Posted on March 9, 2023 by Alison Morris

Our past teaches us lessons. We are gifted the present. The past and present help us embrace the future.

Does it ever seem like you go through the same hardship or trail time and again? I know I have. Sometimes the lesson is learned the first time. Sometimes it takes making the same mistake or going through the same challenge multiple times to learn the lesson. I recently came across a saying that went something like this: There are no mistakes. There are only lessons.

Mistakes and challenges help us grow. Growth helps us better our future. If you focus on your mistakes and hurt from the past, guess what? You will continue to feel that hurt. Look back at the hurt and ask yourself: Is there something I can learn from this? How can that experience help me become better? Those questions can help you go from being a “victim” to a place of empowerment.

There was a time in the early years of our marriage that we had a difficult time holding onto jobs. A few months after we got married, I lost my job. Later that same day, my husband lost his job. Ironically, we were working at the same place. That was the first of many job losses in the first few years of our marriage. It was an extremely stressful and difficult time for both of us.

My first inclination was to be a victim. Eventually, though, I realized that there must be a lesson I (we) needed to learn. I began asking what I needed to learn from it. It seemed as soon as I felt like I was getting a handle on our finances, we’d get hit again with another job loss. One thing that almost immediately came to mind was that I (we) needed to get a better handle on our finances. We started working together on our finances. It was time consuming, but we tried our best with what we had. I finally discovered an excellent budgeting program that really helped get a handle on our budgeting. We made a small investment in the form of an annual fee and it helped us tremendously.

Am I perfect at budgeting? No. Are we perfect with our finances? No. We empowered ourselves by taking a couple different financial courses together over the years. Between the financial courses we took and the budgeting program, I learned that consistency and awareness is powerful. Being aware of what is available is more powerful than what was available or what is going to be available in the future. The same concept can be applied to many different aspects of life.

The past is a place to learn from, not to live in. Living in the past keeps you stuck. Who would want to relive the hardest parts of your life, over and over again? I know I wouldn’t. You can always learn something from your past. Sometimes it’s painful, but by discovering the lesson you can learn and grow. By acknowledging your past and allowing yourself to grow from it, your future will become brighter and you will become more empowered.

The Astonishing Power of Music

Posted on March 8, 2023March 22, 2023 by Scott Morris

Let me tell you a fascinating story that highlights the power of music as a universal language. In 1984, a group of around 3,000 white beluga whales were trapped in the Senyavin Strait in Siberia. The whales were struggling to find their way back to the open ocean, and their survival was in jeopardy.

Fortunately, the Russian icebreaker Moskva arrived on the scene to rescue the stranded whales. The crew tried various methods to guide the belugas back to safety, including using sounds and even explosives to create an opening in the ice. However, the whales remained stuck.

Finally, the crew hit upon an idea: they began playing music over the ship’s speakers in an attempt to calm the whales and guide them to safety. They tried all sorts of music, including pop, rock, and folk, but to no avail. Then, they played classical music – and to their amazement, the whales immediately began following the ship to safety.

This incredible incident highlights the mysterious power of music as a universal language. Despite the fact that whales and humans communicate in completely different ways, the belugas were able to respond to the emotional and aesthetic qualities of classical music, and follow the icebreaker to safety. It seems that music has the power to transcend language and species barriers, and connect us all on a deep emotional level.

Here’s an excerpt from a news article about this event:

“IN one of the more unusual rescue operations in the history of Arctic navigation, a Soviet icebreaker rammed a 15-mile path through thick ice last month to free thousands of trapped white beluga whales.

“The saga of the whales, known in Russia as belukhas or polar dolphins, made for some of the winter’s more suspenseful reading as the icebreaker Moskva raced against time and plunging temperatures to reach the whales before they suffocated or starved in shrinking pools of open water. Like other seafaring mammals, Belugas must rise to the surface to breathe.” [source]

Why did the whales respond as they did?

Another experiment had similar incredible results. A high school student named David Merrill in Suffolk, VA conducted an experiment to test the effects of music on mice. He divided 72 mice into three groups, one that listened to no music, another that listened to heavy metal legends Anthrax for 10 hours a day, and a third that listened to the classical genius Mozart for the same amount of time.

Then, he put all of the mice in a maze to see how long it would take them to complete it. At first, it took the mice from all three groups an average of 10 minutes to finish the maze. However, as time went on, the control group (no music) mice improved to about five minutes, while the Anthrax mice took a whopping half an hour to complete the maze and became extremely aggressive toward each other.

The most incredible result was seen in the group of mice that listened to Mozart. They improved drastically, finishing the maze in just under two minutes on average. Not only did they become faster and more efficient, but they also appeared calmer and less aggressive than the other mice.

As a seasoned musician, this result did not come as a surprise to me. But think about it – these little mice, with their tiny brains and different physiological makeup, were able to respond to the emotional and intellectual nuances of Mozart’s music in a way that directly impacted their cognitive and behavioral abilities. It’s a testament to the power of music to transcend language, species, and even size barriers, and to tap into something deep and fundamental within us all.

Here are the conclusions from the experiment:

“David concluded from the experiment, that ‘music does indeed have an effect on the learning abilities of white male mice. Classical music has a very positive effect on their learning abilities, whereas, the hard rock music has an even greater negative effect on their learning abilities.’

“‘Aside from the facts which I have been able to show you today, I can say, from my own view and my own opinion, from observing the mice, that it seemed not only to affect their ability to learn, but their ability to cope, one with another.’ This was reflected even after the experiment was over, David reported.

“‘After the second year of doing this project–as I said, I kept them separate this year, to try to eliminate the fighting–I would take all the mice to a local pet store, just to get rid of them, and give them away. And, when I did this with the Classical and the Control mice, one group at a time, I would put them into two aquariums, and take them away. That’s 24 mice in 20 gallons. I thought that wasn’t that bad, and it wasn’t, for the Classical and the Control. They were fine with one another.

“‘However, when I put the Hard Rock mice in there, within an hour, they had just begun fighting so severely, that I had to separate all the mice. And, I gave them about a week just to ‘chill out,’ I guess you could say, and sort of calm down, because I guess the music had made them so uptight, and had been putting such bad messages into them, that they couldn’t handle one another. So I gave them about a week, just to calm down and settle down. I actually played a little Classical music to them, to see if it would reverse the effects.’

“Even a week later, he reported, the Hard Rock group was still fighting, but he managed to get them to the store alive.

“‘It’s been an interesting project,’ David concluded, ‘and I’ve enjoyed doing it, and I’ve enjoyed the results I found, as well as the research I’ve done. It’s too bad that it’s not a subject that is widely publicized, as widely as it should be, because I found multiple areas of research, which are extremely significant, whether it’s how great the effects of Classical music are on pre-schoolers learning their ABCs, or whether it’s just the bad morals in the hard rock music.

“‘Something very interesting is that these mice could not understand the lyrics, but the music alone was bad enough, much less the lyrics, which the people are subjected to, but the mice weren’t. And, that’s something that I think is pretty significant as well.'” [source]

How does all of this work? Why does it happen? In what ways can music affect us?

Luckily, there is someone who can explain how all of this works: Dr. Michael Ballam. He gave a couple of talks on this topic, available on youtube:

The Power of Music to Lift and Teach – Michael Ballam, August 17, 1998 during BYU Education Week.

The Healing Power of Music – Michael Ballam, August 16, 1999 during BYU Education Week.

Dr. Ballam also has a CD set on this topic, called “Music and the Mind.” He also did a follow-up called “More Music and the Mind.” If you find the above presentations interesting, I would very highly recommend that you purchase these two sets. They go into great detail on how music affects our minds.

Additionally, for those interested in reading more on the subject, take a look at a book called “The Mozart Effect” by Don Campbell.

The Power of “AND”

Posted on March 4, 2023March 4, 2023 by Alison Morris

Do you know that you can have two different emotions at the same time? Yes, two different emotions can, and often do, occur at the same time. The Podcast “Light the Fight” talks about this in two different episodes: one is called “the and” and the other “the and 2.0”. I plan to listen to these episodes again and I encourage you to listen as well.

Have you ever felt sad AND relieved at the same time? What about happy and sad? Do you sometimes get angry with someone you love (anger and love)? How about being in (physcial or emotional) pain and still being grateful? What about excitement and being nervous? It can be confusing to feel two immensely different emotions. Sometimes we hold ourselves back because of one strong emotion; we allow doubt and fear to overrun our excitement.

Thanks to Facebook algorithms, my feed is full of positive, uplifting picture, memes, etc. of various aspects of life. I’ve been flooding my life with inspirational people and things; but something was still missing. About 6 months ago (or so) I finally figured out what I want to do with my life (sort of). Without a clear plan, I kept thinking that I want to share these positive, inspirational, motivational, uplifting messages with as many people who want to hear them.

Fast forward to a little over a month ago, I told my husband that I wanted to start a Facebook group (or page) to help spread these messages but I didn’t have a name for it. One Saturday I sat down at my computer and came up with a suitable name, “Positivity to Inspire and Motivate”. Although I knew it wasn’t exactly right, it was good enough. Fast forward, again, to a couple weeks ago, my husband helped me come up with the name we will be known by from now on: “Sharing Moments of Light”.

We talked about starting this blog and other ways to share my message; and guess what? I became super excited AND nervous.

There is a little voice inside that tells me “no one cares what you think” so I’ve always had a hard time sharing what I truly feel, in my own words. I was excited to share goodness and light with people. I was nervous to use my voice in this way because of that proverbial voice inside. Well, I’d like to think I’m overcoming this one. I’m now sharing my thoughts and feelings for anyone and everyone who wants and/or needs to hear it.

Listen to your conflicting emotions and don’t let the negative take over.

Life Lesson on a Diving Board

Posted on March 4, 2023 by Scott Morris

When I was a child, I was taking diving lessons. No matter what I did, I could not do a backflip. The coach taught me something that has stayed with me for decades: Look at where you want to go. My coach taught me to look where I wanted my body to go and it would follow. If I was ever going to do do a backflip, I needed to look above and behind myself as far as possible when leaving the diving board. I did, and it worked!

This experience taught me a valuable lesson: we tend to move towards whatever we focus on. Whether we face challenging situations or want to avoid becoming like someone else, our focus determines our direction. Whatever we feed grows, even if we are trying to avoid it. This applies to both positive and negative aspects of our lives. If we focus on the negative (even to avoid it), we see our lives through a lens of negativity, but if we focus on the positive, we can find happiness.

Similarly, when it comes to our goals, keeping our eyes fixed on them is essential. If we focus on our goals for long enough, we will eventually achieve them. To stay focused, having a life mission statement to read regularly can help us become the person we aspire to be. Even if we don’t know how it will happen, as we focus on our goals, opportunities will arise, and we should take advantage of them.

So what is the takeaway here? We should keep our focus on the things we want to achieve and the people we want to become. It’s essential to do the best we can with what we have at the moment and keep focusing on our goals. With time and determination, we will end up where we want to be.